Pastor Nicole Olinski

When we talk about peace, it's easy to think about personal peace, peace in our own minds and hearts. But Scripture calls us to something deeper. Romans 12:18 challenges us with these words: "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." Not some people. Not just the easy ones. Everyone.

This can feel impossible. Some of us are dealing with difficult people, painful family dynamics, or long-standing grudges. Maybe you feel like you're doing fine as long as you’re not around a certain person. You probably even have a name in mind right now.

But avoiding people isn’t the kind of peace Scripture calls us to. Peace with others is often the hardest kind to cultivate. Relationships can be messy, complicated, and filled with unspoken expectations, past hurt, and unresolved trauma. The holidays can magnify this. Whether it was tension at the Thanksgiving table or anxiety about the next family gathering, many of us are already bracing ourselves.

But here's the truth. The only person you can control in any relationship is yourself.

You can't dictate how others act, think, or speak. You can control what you say and do. That’s where peace begins, with you.

Do All That You Can

Romans 12:18 doesn’t say “do what feels comfortable.” It says “do all that you can.” That means taking responsibility for your own healing. Where in your life are you still wounded and reacting out of brokenness? What are you doing to grow in love, patience, kindness, and forgiveness?

Some of us need to face the fact that unforgiveness is robbing us of peace. Maybe you’re holding a grudge. Maybe someone hurt you deeply, and you’ve been waiting for them to make it right. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse what they did, but it does free you. Forgiving them might be the first step to getting your peace back.

Your Words Matter

Another area that often causes conflict is right in the middle of our face. It’s our mouth.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue can bring death or life. Those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 21:23 reminds us, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” In other words, what we say can either build peace or destroy it.

Could it be that you're lacking peace with others because of what’s coming out of your mouth?

Do you lack self-control when it comes to your words? Just because you think or feel something doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Your opinion, no matter how strongly you believe it, isn’t the final word. And typing it out on social media doesn’t make it any less damaging.

Words are seeds. If you sow words of discord, you’ll reap discord. If you sow lies, you’ll reap lies. If you sow anger, you’ll reap anger. But if you sow peace, truth, and grace, you’ll reap life.

So ask yourself. What are you sowing with your words?

Peacekeepers vs. Peacemakers

When it comes to our relationships, we have two options. We can either be peacekeepers or peacemakers.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” He didn’t say peacekeepers. There's a difference.

A peacemaker actively works to bring about reconciliation, healing, and truth. They face hard truths to restore what’s broken. They're motivated by love and righteousness, even when it costs them their comfort.

A peacekeeper, on the other hand, avoids conflict. They maintain surface-level harmony, even if it means burying the truth. They’re driven by fear, convenience, or a desire to keep everyone happy. But what they end up with is temporary calm. Not true peace.

If you’re only keeping the peace, you might actually be letting unresolved tension rule your relationships.

My Journey from Peacekeeper to Peacemaker

For years, I hated conflict. It gave me anxiety. I avoided it at all costs, which meant I lived as a peacekeeper. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it was actually hurting my relationships, especially my marriage.

In the early years of our marriage, communication and conflict resolution were hard. When conflict came up, I’d feel fear and shut down completely. I would literally hide in the closet to escape the conversation. Meanwhile, my husband loved to debate. He came ready to win. That was a dangerous combination.

We had to work hard to grow in this area. I had to learn that avoiding conflict wasn’t helping anyone. And my husband had to learn how to create a safe space for real conversation.

Over time, I realized something. I actually love the result of hard conversations. I love the peace that follows when truth is spoken, when healing takes place, and when reconciliation happens. Now, I understand that the discomfort in the middle is worth the peace that comes on the other side.

True peacemakers are willing to be uncomfortable in order to let the peace of God rule in their lives and relationships.

Becoming a Peacemaker Starts With You

If you're lacking peace in your relationships, the first place to look is inward. Ask yourself:

• What am I doing that contributes to the lack of peace?
• Am I avoiding truth to keep things calm?
• Do I need to forgive someone?
• Do I need to control my words more carefully?
• Am I sowing discord or peace with what I say?
• Am I willing to face discomfort to pursue real healing?

Being a peacemaker isn’t easy. It takes courage. It takes humility. It takes self-awareness and self-control. But it also brings lasting peace, the kind of peace that reflects the heart of God and transforms relationships.

So maybe it's time to stop keeping the peace and start making it.

Who do you need to talk to? What hard conversation do you need to have? And what would it look like to do all that you can to live at peace with everyone?

True peace starts with you.